Caregiving

Life has been taking me on a long ride lately.

There are so many topics I need to jot down, and you, my friends, can choose to read them or not.

In July, my parents were moved into a nursing facility. It is a good one, and they have done well adjusting. They both have debilitating illnesses, and wanted to stay home as long as they could. We were able to do that for 8 years.

We are moving them to the first choice facility this week, where they will be closer to friends and, well, me. They are currently 2 hours 15 minutes away from me. Now they will only be 1.5 hours away. I am an only child, with no other immediate family. While I wistfully wonder how glorious it would be to have a compassionate sibling, I know it’s not always the actual scenario.

We have been through:

Medical mismanagement, many hospital stays, broken bones, many rehabs, heart attacks, strokes, trauma stays, stubbornness with not wanting to go to a facility when specialists pleaded, falls, ambulance calls, complete incompetence of the social services department, bad caregivers, ( could write a whole post on that alone) driving 6 hours alone just for some specialist appointments, constant paperwork, copies, banking, household management, paying all bills, scrambling to sell land to pay for care…. shopping, home upkeep.

I’m not sure how I did it. Sometimes, I did not do it well. Sometimes, I was resentful. I hate to say that, but I was. There were times I just wanted to go do something fun with my son. Working, being a mom and doing that was hard.

Then, I was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. During the hardest parts of the treatment, I had some help from their neighbors and my friends. I’m so grateful. Treatment was a marathon. My health never really recovered, and the prognosis is poor. I will always pray cancer will not return, and it’s difficult to try to manage health issues. Scans, biopsies, many medical appointments.

I love my parents very much. They have been such a blessing. I want to make it clear that being a caregiver in any capacity is selfless but comes with a price at times; we must be aware of even tiny ways we can help our friends and loved ones who are doing so.

 Here are some stats from caregiver.org:

It’s a tall order.

Possibly the most frustrating is “the system” in which people fall through the cracks. Social services asking for the same paperwork you sent 3 weeks ago. Waiting on calls back, being directed to The Area Office on Aging to be told to call an ombudsman for nursing home when you repeatedly tell the officers your loved one is at home. It’s maddening, and like a perpetual “who’s on first” skit from hell.

Dealing with limited help, loved ones depending on you, holding a job, trying to raise a child, financial hardship, health issues, constant pain, chemo brain…. I’m not sure it is survivable.

One thing I know: the system is broken in terms of helping the elderly. I’ve banged and beaten on door after door. Maybe this portion of the load has lifted a bit. I want them to be well, and safe and taken care of. I need to live, too.

I’ll keep on as long as God gives me the strength to do so. Only His grace has helped me this far.