Heaviness

Watching someone you love die little by little is excruciating.

The helplessness. The guilt. The sadness.

Redirecting thoughts to who they still ARE, not the deficits. Not the many ways their bodies fail them every day.

Both of my dear parents are on hospice, at the same time.

I am an only child, with very little family. Walking this path has been excruciating and lonely. It’s not just the physical part of witnessing the decline; seeing them in pain. It’s the loss of my family.

Loss of my Dad’s belly laugh. His twinkling eyes. The timber of his voice during his powerful sermons in the pulpit. The way he would walk around the house and sing songs by Sam Cooke, or Gordon Lightfoot. Seeing him leave the house for hours, going to sit and pray at the hospital with Mrs. Miles as she waits on doctor’s diagnosis.

The loss of my Mom’s quick wit. Her fast pace…. her beautiful long legs dancing with me to Michael Jackson’s Thriller album. Her capable hands sewing dresses, curtains…. making things for her home. Her gifted way of connecting with mentally challenged young people, bringing them out of their shell.

I am so blessed to have them. For their continued presence here on this planet.

I just want the remaining time they have here to not be so hard.

I know our destination to the place my Heavenly Father reigns is our goal. I know in heaven there will be no pain. No suffering.

Lord, please keep our eyes on you.